What are you DOING, woman?
by Wazzy Wazlib
Summary: Sometimes Percy thinks his wife is mental, what with her crazy mood swings, occasional acts of violence, and obsessive cleaning. It takes a talk with his father to realize that this "Pregnancy Thing" is worth it in the end. ONESHOT


**Disclaimer: Yeahhh...no. Darn):**

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Percy walked into his house after a long day of work, only to find his seventh month pregnant wife Audrey doing yoga in the middle of the hallway.

"Erm…dear? What are you doing?"

She looked past her bulging belly at him. "Hello, love. You're home earlier than usual."

"I had a headache," he said, setting his briefcase down next to the door. "You look comfortable," he remarked dryly.

She laughed as she slowly removed her leg from the back of her neck. "It helps the cramps," she explained.

"And if doing the 'Sunrise' makes you go into labor?" he asked with raised eyebrows.

"Then I can tell my child that yoga caused her to be born."

"That's comforting," he said, helping her to her feet. She sighed, patting her stomach lovingly.

"How was work?"

"Work."

"Ah."

* * *

Yawning, Percy stumbled into the kitchen the next morning, finding Audrey on her hands and knees scrubbing the floor.

"And what are you doing this morning?" he asked her, looking amused.

"I can't seem to get this spot off the floor," she said, sounding wistful.

"I see," he said. "And you didn't think to use magic to get it off?"

She froze mid-scrub and straightened up. "Merlin's socks, it didn't even occur to me."

"Mhmmm," said Percy distractedly as he began the process of making himself a cup of coffee.

Audrey hauled herself up, hands on her waist as she stretched out her back. Sighing explosively as she went to fetch her wand from where she left it the night before, she huffed, "You just think of everything, don't you?"

* * *

Percy wasn't even surprised when he came home for lunch and found Audrey bawling her eyes out as she listened to the _Ministry Wives _wizard station. "Why did Paul have to leave Veronica for that dratted secretary?" she asked him, looking furious. "Veronica is gorgeous!"

Percy could hardly help himself as he laughed at her. "Audrey, love, how can you expect me to take you seriously?" he slapped a hand to his forehead as he walked away laughing.

* * *

"I must say, dear, this is the first time you've cooked dinner in all the time we've been married," Percy remarked, sitting at the kitchen table. Audrey merely shot him a look to silence him, and then continued stirring whatever she was cooking. However, he ignored the look and kept talking. "Usually Mum sends leftovers or _I_ cook—this is a pleasant surprise."

"Just because I don't cook you think I _can't_?" her eyes were dangerously flashing.

"I have absolutely no doubt in you—"

Suddenly the pot exploded, covering the kitchen in gooey red sauce.

Audrey wiped it out of her eyes, glaring at Percy who was howling with laughter.

"How on Earth did the whole thing _explode_?" he asked, still chuckling, wiping the sauce off of his horn rimmed glasses.

Audrey chucked the spoon at his head, but he ducked just in the nick of time.

* * *

"What are you doing _now?"_ Percy asked, looking in bewilderment at his wife, who sat cross legged on the floor with her hands in the air.

"I'm meditating," she simply said, her eyes closed.

"_Whhhy_?"

"To calm myself down," she breathed in deeply through her nose, lowering her hands slowly and putting them together, "so I don't kill you."

Percy chuckled. "Kill me?"

"Yes. You laughed at me at dinner two nights ago."

"And you're _still_ not over it?" he asked incredulously.

"No," she said briskly. "My first attempt at cooking and you laugh."

"Your sauce _exploded_!" he pointed out.

"Humph!"

"Audrey, come on, you know I love you."

"As my husband you are supposed to respect me as your significant other."

He snorted. "You're mental."

"No, I'm pregnant."

"Good point."

* * *

Molly greeted them with a kiss on the cheek and a loud scream from baby Victoire, whom she carried in her arms. Beyond his mother he could see Bill and Fleur at the kitchen table, looking exhausted as new parents were supposed to look. George had the usual grin on his face, though his eyes weren't shining as he entertained a two year old Teddy, who had shocking white hair that turned blue as he laughed, trying to grab George's finger in his pudgy hands. Charlie was arm wrestling with Ron, much to the amusement of Hermione and Ginny, who was nestled comfortably under a laughing Harry's arm.

"Audrey!" said Fleur in delight, standing to embrace Percy's wife. "How ees the baby?"

"Kicking," she said with a laugh.

"Where's Dad?" Percy asked Molly.

"Out in his shed, dear," she said with a roll of her eyes and a warm smile on her face. "Tell him to come inside, would you?" she added, as Percy headed for the door. "Dinner will be ready in a few moments."

Percy assured her he would and then stepped outside, where the sun was just setting. He could see his father outlined in the dusty window of the shed, and knocked on the door before entering.

"Ah, Percy," his father smiled warmly at him as he entered the clattered shed filled practically to the brim with Muggle knick knacks. "Audrey doing all right?"

"As 'all right' as a pregnant woman can be," Percy told him with a grin. Arthur smiled, inspecting some sort of electrical contraption in his hand.

"I remember when your mother was pregnant," he began, but Percy cut in with a cheeky, "Which time?" to which his father punched him lightly on the shoulder. "The first time," Arthur said patiently, but with a teasing smile.

"I can only imagine the horror," Percy said sarcastically.

Arthur was all seriousness as he nodded. "It was terrible, Perce. With the mood swings, the occasional acts of violence—" Percy snorted, reminded of Audrey chucking the melted blob of spoon at him at their disastrous dinner only the week before, "—her obsessive cleaning…"

Percy nodded. "I take it what Audrey's going through is normal, then."

"Of course!" Arthur said with a laugh. "Bill came to me with the same problem, before little Victoire was born."

"Are all women this mental when it comes to childbirth?"

"I'm afraid so," his father was grinning. "But it gets better after the … fifth child."

Percy went weak at the knees. "Five?" he croaked.

Arthur could barely contain his laughter now. "Yes, the twins were quite the handful. Molly swore they were the last, but when Ron came around, you can imagine my relief when she was perfectly at ease."

"I can't imagine having to go through it that many times," he rubbed his face wearily, his horn rimmed glasses nearly falling off his face. "She's so…_mental!_"

"But we get a kick out of it, don't we?"

Percy chuckled. "Yes, but once they start tossing furniture the smirks are wiped right off our faces."

Arthur exploded with laughter, clapping his son on the back. "Yes, indeed they are, Son. Now let's go, your mother will never let me hear the end of it if we're late for dinner."

"Does it get any easier, Dad? As you get older?"

"Percy, women are ticking time bombs," Arthur said wisely. "And trust me, as time goes by, they only get more explosive."

"Great," he said sarcastically.

Arthur squeezed his shoulder encouragingly. "It's worth it, though. When you get to hold that little baby for the first time, it's worth it."

As they entered the kitchen, Percy looked at Audrey's glowing face as she cooed at baby Victoire.

Yes, she was mental, and yes, she _did_ throw kitchen utensils at him when he laughed at her, but he had to admit her insanity was cute in its own right. And, as he held the little baby girl in his hands two months later, he had to admit it _was_ worth it.

**

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END...REVIEW!**


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